Friday, April 17, 2009

I refuse

By Andre Lorek

Founder of GendersInX 

In the past couple of years I have come to know what it is to have Klinefelter’s but more importantly, I have come to know how people see me as a Klinefelter’s person as they have different opinions on how I should be. Strange how a syndrome with a doctor’s name attached to it can change people’s minds after knowing me for so long as an unique person in my own right. As soon as they are aware that I have Klinefelter’s or that I am Intersex, which they think they have a little box fits me to a T and where I belong –  away from them.

Recently, a fellow member of GendersInX came across an article which stated that a person with my chromosome anomaly has a deficient mental capacity, is socially inept and has issues that require certain medication(s) to control or fix it. If I bought into that, I wouldn’t be here writing this up.

I have worked hard at becoming the person I am and I continue to work hard at building my knowledge of languages I knew which are three. I continue to learn about how to express myself, on how to reach people where they live and I continue to work on myself, repairing whatever damage has been done that would result in feeling less than an important part of this society. I refuse to believe that I am mentally incapacitated in any way and I continue to prove that by going to work every day and doing the best that I can, ever expanding my knowledge of computers, business logic and most importantly: people.

I have friends and I try my best to keep them for I depend on them as much as they may depend on me. I have worked hard in trying to read people’s faces, know the intricate body language that shows a person is feeling like this or like that, worked hard on trying to say and do the right things that make a person feel special because they are. I refuse to believe that little box in which I am supposed to be socially inept will stand in my way of knowing as many people as I can and them knowing me better than remembering my name.

Klinefelter’s is no picnic. Being a Mosaic is not either. In my time spent with many XXY’s, I have come to realize that most people think that Mosaics have an easier time than Klinefelter’s. We don’t. We have to strive as hard as the next person to get our life as comfortable as possible in whatever way we see fit for our own body. I refuse to accept that I have been less affected by Klinefelter’s than the next one. I also refuse to accept that Klinefelter’s is an excuse for not striving for what I believe can be a comfortable life for myself. I make no excuses for being who I am.

With the XXY chromosomes comes the child-like emotional maturity that most other people lose as they become an adult. Anger issues stem from that, not only as children but even worse when we are physically adults. I struggle with this every time I get into a situation that makes me uncomfortable. I have to believe that I am not a victim, that people are not out to bring my negative side of me to the forefront and that there are people near me and out there who do love and want the best for me. I will not accept that I have a right to be angry because every time I do, something in me dies and I will have to fight that much harder to revive that bit to continue. It’s an ongoing loop and I refuse to give up on bettering it.

I have long recognized that I am Intersex and that does not burden me but frees me to be the natural person I am. There is no fear of it and it’s not abnormal to be Intersex. I am not a special person because of Intersex, it doesn’t elevate me and it is certainly not something I have any reason to be ashamed of. Being Intersex does not give me special privileges. It doesn’t give me the ability to love more or hate more than anyone else and it certainly doesn’t open the doors for me. I refuse to believe that I am nothing but a normal Intersex person with a freedom to express myself in whatever legal form I see fit.

I don’t have a disability. I am not a sexual dysfunction. I don’t hate the people that try to put me and others like me in these infantile boxes but I do loathe their ideas that make them think they can. I and others like me prove that we are more than the tiny medical box they want us in every day by being proud of the individuals we are, the people we choose as our friends, the ones we love and the things we do every day that makes life interesting.

I refuse to believe that a person of any condition cannot be more than is expected.

This is a service of the Organisation Intersex International

1 comment:

  1. I was emotionally touched by your article...,sincerely,I don't know how else to phrase it.
    I'm an individual who has both Kallman's & Turner's Syndromes.So I know how it is to feel what you call "childhood emotional maturity".
    I also know about feeling intellectually inferior,even though I have a science degree & have worked in both academic & industrial R & D labs!
    (I'm not trying to blow my own horn here!) Just trying to illustrate how an emotional sense of inferiority can over-ride an actual accomplishment...,I'm in my mid-50's, and I STILL feel immature & inferior most of the time!
    One thing that has helped me to cope,besides a faith in God, is working with the vast crowd of individuals who have various other genetic disorders; I'll use Down's Syndrome as an example. Its hard to believe that 40-50 years ago so called "Mongoloid" children were literally swept under the rug & incarcerated for life in state institutions for the "feeble-minded!" Yeah,I too wish that I was more of a whole person sometimes..,but when one actually gets to know someone who has been deprived of love,support,dignity, health care,and is literally mentally crippled or "retarded". And it was caused more by society's neglect than any inherent defect. Maybe we're not so bad off, or in my prayers/conversations with the Almighty,would I be willing to "trade off" one affliction for the other??
    You can see how much more can be said about this...,a final thought..,about your inherent anger,in ancient times,it might have been the Assyrians or Egyptians,there is some evidence that so called"eunuchs"(a very generic name for the times)would both lead & inspire the other troops by their bold aggression & courage...,